Depths of Due Diligence Despair
I Never Knew There Were Nine Levels
My hell, I put up a post this weekend with many links and then somehow, all the text disappeared and I was left with a photo of a home office, something that was supposed to evoke the Godfather’s study. In thinking of hell, and my links to first, my articles about poker cheats and then about a fraudster I had tweeted about, it made me think about the levels of due diligence failure one sees. Seven layers of hell, right? Turns out Dante had nine. Did you know?
The Nine Layers of Due Diligence
Honest and Open - Where can I sign that release. I got nothing to hide. And when you look, they’re right. No this, no that. Even their mother-in-law has nice things to say.
Honest but not Open - Kicking and screaming. I like my privacy. Most of these people are not that bad and they are about as close to Level One as possible, but believe me, there are people out there, impeccable records. Don’t look though. They hate you looking. Relax. We’re gonna do all our searches and find zippo. You got nothing to hide.
Maybe You Do - You had a little brush with the law. You got behind on your bills. You should not have bought the house you bought. How many of us have a mar or two on their record. Whether you are open and honest about it or want to make us find it, when we do, it likely will not change anything. Most people tolerate things in your past.
Except Not That - It aint a youthful mistake if it happened in your thirties. There’s falling behind on your bills and never paying anyone. When you reach this level, it’s a lot harder to turn back.
Who Me? - There is a special level of due diligence hell for the people who try to keep you from finding the public records that haunt them. I think especially of a research project where the subject kept a certain job history off his LinkedIn profile. He did not want to reveal that part of his history because it was in that part that he screwed his investors.
I Don’t Care - It’s worse when they make no secret who they are. Waste management consultant. You know what that means. You may not have know that there were nine layers of hell, but you probably knew that there were only 35 people in Nevada’s Black Book. So if they are in there. Bad.
It’s a Jungle Out There - This place is reserved for the people in the story I told last week. You think you are playing poker with a rich, crazy, business guy, and it turns out to be the Jungleman. Like I say, a special place in hell for when you think you are playing in a friendly game that turns out to be rigged.
It’s a Jungle Out There (But Worse) - One of the most complicated, convoluted due diligence matters I handled concerned the Cleveland La Cosa Nostra and connections to the transportation of hazardous waste. It was a clear case of where exactly did the mafia line stop. You know, not so clear. Not only is this hellish because the whole point of your front man is to not make you see the mobsters behind the curtain, but as in my Cleveland case, it is often near impossible to get the smoking gun that allows you to make a determination between friends with those guys and being one of those guys.
Faked being a CIA agent and Combat Veteran to scam $4.4 million Out of Defense Contractors - Or Bernie Maddoff. Or you are such an awful, and by that I mean successful fraudster, they name a scheme after you. At the depths of hell are you men and women trying to put themselves between you and your hard earned dollars. Trust me they say. Put your confidence in me. What do you gotta lose. Those guys.
Each transaction, each new client, new partner, new hire, you might meet someone from any level of due diligence hell. You may think your salvation is a firm handshake and a foursome at Bethpage Black. No. Redemption comes best when you put you faith in public records, online databases, third party references, and the full gamut of investigative due diligence.